I love everything about Thanksgiving—the turkey, stuffing, gravy, cranberry sauce, mashed potatoes, family time and the backyard football—except the inevitable heated political discussions around the dinner table. And, boy, are we in for a doozy this year.
No presidential election cycle has ever been so divisive or the tone so nasty. The weeks following Donald Trump’s election have only added more fuel to the fire.
But this year, I’m determined to rise above it all, and I’m turning to Syracuse sports to help. You should too.
When your conservative father, your liberal aunt and maybe even your drunk uncle start getting into it, follow these handy diversions and non sequiturs.
They say, “Hillary’s ground game in the Rust Belt states was questionable at best, and ultimately, lead to her stunning defeat.”
You say, “Syracuse football’s ground game defense is questionable at best and has lead to many of their defeats. Among all FBS schools, the Orange rank 98th in rushing defense. They’ve given up 2,307 yards this season—that’s 209.7 yards per game. Syracuse allowed 414 rushing yards against Louisville, 234 against South Florida, 195 against Clemson and 334 to Florida State—to name a few.”
“How can we trust Trump with the nuclear codes when he can’t even be trusted with his Twitter account?”
“You know who we can trust with the nuclear codes? Otto the Orange. Otto 2020!”
“Do you really think Trump will build a wall on the border and get Mexico to pay for it?”
“Do you really think Jim Boeheim will play man-to-man instead of his 2-3 zone? I don’t think so.”
“I’m really gonna miss President Barack Obama.”
“Missing No. 44? Come to Syracuse. Hop on our bandwagon. No. 44 is always welcome here.”
“Who does the Democratic Party turn to now?”
“That’s a really good question, but the more important question is, ‘If Boeheim retires after the 2017-2018 season, as has been discussed, who does Syracuse turn to? I know Mike Hopkins is the coach-in-waiting, but he didn’t exactly inspire confidence in the nine games he coached while Boeheim was suspended last year. I’m already nervous about it.”
“I can’t wait for Trump to ‘drain the swamp’ in D.C.”
“Will part of that swamp include the Georgetown campus? Asking for a friend …”
If all else fails and these diversions don’t diffuse the tension, pass the Goldschlagger. Or is that tradition unique to my family?